Coram Deo ~

Looking at contemporary culture from a Christian worldview


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MUSIC REVIEWS and NEWS


Best of Fernando Ortega: Live in St. Paul
****

I was introduced to Fernando Ortega years ago when he opened for Michael Card. He has since become one of my favorite artists. This concert recording was originally available only as a DVD, but is now fortunately also available as an audio recording.  Including 19 songs, this concert was recorded in 2004 at Northwestern College’s Maranatha Hall as Fernando was on tour supporting his 2004 album Fernando Ortega.  He plays 7 of that album’s 12 songs here, including the touching and humorous “Mildred Madalyn Johnson”. The recording features Ortega and band, including an accordion, but the focus is on Ortega’s gentle vocals over his piano.
If you’ve seen Ortega in concert you know that one of the best things is often times humorous introductions to his songs, which are not included here, the focus being solely on the music. In addition to the songs from Fernando Ortega, he includes many of his most-loved songs, such as “Creation Song”, “Lord of Eternity”, “Children of the Living God”, “This Good Day”, “Sing to Jesus” and “Our Great God”. This is Ortega’s only live album and it’s a gem.

Flowers in the Dirt (Special Edition) – Paul McCartney
****
This 2-CD “Special Edition” (the release comes in a number of different configurations), of McCartney’s excellent 1989 album Flowers in the Dirt features a remastered version of the original 13-song album (plus Où Est Le Soleil?, which wasn’t on the original album), on one disc, and nine previously unreleased demos McCartney recorded with Elvis Costello on the second disc. The demos are what really got my attention on this release, the 10th installment of McCartney’s Archive Collection, all of which have been personally supervised by McCartney. This album has special significance for me as well. It was the album McCartney toured on for his 1989-90 World Tour, on which I saw three of the shows, the first of now twelve concerts I’ve seen of the former Beatle.
Listeners will be pleased with the remastered version of the original album. It features such strong songs as “My Brave Face” (his last Billboard solo Top 40 hit), “This One”, “Put it There” and the 89-90 World Tour opener “Figure of Eight”. The original demos with Costello are: Continue reading

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MUSIC REVIEWS and NEWS

Music Reviews
Pure McCartney
by Paul McCartney
****

I grew up as a huge Beatles fan and have followed the band members solo careers as well, by far the most commercially successful and prolific being Paul McCartney.  That’s not to say that there haven’t been some pretty uneven albums along the way (Pure McCartneythink of 1971’s Wild Life by Wings, for example).  Recently I saw McCartney on tour for the twelfth time. One of the things I always look forward to is what songs he will pull from his impressive Beatles, Wings and solo career to play on the tour. Several songs from his compilation show up on his new “One on One” tour set list. This compilation, his fourth, after 1978’s Wings Greatest, 1987’s All the Best and 2001 Wingspan, includes songs from his 1970 debut McCartney to his 2014 single “Hope for the Future” and his 2015 remix of “Say Say Say”, a hit with Michael Jackson.

The collection comes in multiple formats, with the deluxe edition including 67 (25 of which have been newly mastered), solo, Wings and Fireman songs, more than 40 of which were Top 40 hits. McCartney had more than 300 songs to choose from – from 17 solo, 7 Wings and 2 Fireman studio albums.   McCartney and his team came up with the idea of putting together the collection “with nothing else in mind than having something fun to listen to”.

There will always be songs left off that you would like to see on an artist’s compilation project. I was surprised that no tracks from his fine 1989 Flowers in the Dirt album or 2001’s Driving Rain were included, for example.  On the other hand, 8 songs were included from his 1997 Flaming Pie album and 5 from his latest, 2013’s New, were included. I would also have liked to see some more rarities, such as “Girl’s School” and “Spies Like Us”.  One rarity does show up, the children’s song “We All Stand Together”, as well as several “deep cuts” from McCartney solo, Wings and Fireman albums, a particular favorite of mine is “Warm and Beautiful” from the mostly forgettable but best-selling 1976 Wings at the Speed of Sound, where McCartney let all band members take a turn at lead vocals.

Despite the above minor concerns, I enjoyed listening to these songs, all but “We All Stand Together” I once had, but many of which I didn’t have in a CD or digital format. Sit back and enjoy these songs covering McCartney’s amazing now 46-year post-Beatles career.

Note: Pure McCartney gave me the idea to make my own McCartney mixtape, using my favorite Beatles songs he sang lead on as well as my favorites from his solo career. Although I still am adding to the mixtape/playlist, it currently has 233 songs on it.

A good companion to this compilation for McCartney fans would be Philip Norman’s new biography Paul McCartney: The Life.
Stranger to Stranger by Paul SimonStranger to Stranger by Paul Simon
****

Never one to rest on his impressive laurels, 74 year-old Paul Simon returns with Stranger to Stranger, his thirteenth solo album, five years in the making, and his first studio album since 2011’s excellent So Beautiful or So What. The album is produced by Andy Smith and 81 year-old Roy Halee, a longtime collaborator whose relationship with Simon goes back to the original Simon and Garfunkel days in 1964.

This risk-taking album takes many listens to fully appreciate. It includes two instrumentals and is in many ways experimental, pushing boundaries and featuring a wide variety of instruments, electronic beats, loops, samples, a gospel music quartet, horns and synthesizers.  The album is heavy in percussion, with four of the album’s first six songs not even using a guitar. Simon was influenced by the works of Harry Partch, an American composer, music theorist, and creator of musical instruments. Partch experimented with microtonal tunings. In fact, Simon has said that there is not a lyrical theme to the album, but rather a sound theme, though like his last album, God and the afterlife are recurring themes here.

Here are a few brief comments on each of the songs on the standard edition of the album:

The Werewolf The opening song is about a werewolf, an angel of death. She is looking for other victims to kill. It’s the end of the rainbow, midnight, and she really has the appetite. It is the first of three songs that Simon collaborates with the Italian electronic dance music artist Clap! Clap! A good beat plays behind Simon’s vocal.

Wristband This also features Clap! Clap! It’s one of my favorite songs on the album, about a musician who goes out for a smoke, and then is unable to get back into the venue he is playing at because he doesn’t have the required wristband.  The song then pivots about the homeless and lowly who can never get through the door. Again, an infectious beat behind Simon’s vocal along with some good horns.

The Clock A short instrumental, the first of two instrumentals on the album that were originally written for John Patrick Shanley’s play Prodigal Son. Simon said that he decided to insert them in the album to give a little space after songs.

Street Angel The third song that features Clap! Clap! The central character from this song also appears in “In a Parade”, the first time a Simon character appears on two songs of the same album.  Simon samples 1939 gospel vocals from The Golden Gate Quartet, a favorite of his.  An interesting verse that doesn’t seem to go along with the rest of the song is:

If God goes fishing
And we are the fishes
He baits his lines
With prayers and wishes
They sparkle in the shallows
They catch the falling light
We hide our hearts like holy hostages
We’re hungry for the love, and so we bite

 Stranger to Stranger Simon slows it down on what could be a song to musician wife Edie Brickell. He asks that if they met for the first time could they imagine falling in love again. He is jittery, it’s his way of dealing with his joy. Features some effective horns.

In a Parade The singer may be in an ER, which tonight feels like every wounded soul, or in a parade and can’t talk now. Street Angel reappears, as does the line from the song “Street Angel”, “I write my verse for the universe”.  Features an infectious percussion beat.

Proof of Love This song was inspired by Simon’s visit to a spiritual healer in Brazil when he was suffering from reoccurring violent nightmares. He asks the Lord for proof of love, and hears a voice telling him not to be afraid that his days won’t end with night.

In the Garden of Edie This song is about Simon’s wife Edie, and is the second instrumental included that was originally written for Prodigal Son.

The Riverbank The mostly upbeat sound contrasts with the subject matter here. The song was inspired by a teacher that Simon knew who was killed in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in December, 2012 and also depicts the funeral of a veteran who committed suicide.

Cool Papa Bell A favorite, this song is partially about a center fielder in the Negro league baseball from 1922 to 1950. He is considered to have been one of the fastest players ever to play the game. Simon sings that most will get to Heaven someday, but not the person he is singing to. They will have to stay and explain the suffering and pain they caused. The song, which has a Graceland vibe to it, includes some adult language.

Insomniac’s Lullaby This acoustic song features the use of instruments created by Harry Partch. It has a melancholy feel to it as he sings for the Lord not to keep him up all night with questions he can’t understand, such as how the builder of bridges will deliver us all to the faraway shore.

music news

  • Andrew Peterson’s Behold the Lamb of God Tour. Andrew Peterson just released his 2016 Behold the Lamb of God (Christmas) Tour. We plan to get to one of the dates. Hope you can as well.
  • Bruce Springsteen to Release Chapter and Verse Companion Album with Autobiography Launch. Bruce Springsteen’s autobiography Born to Run will be published September 23. At the same time, an 18 track album Chapter and Verse will also be released.
  • “Money & Fame” Acoustic Version. Watch NEEDTOBREATHE’s acoustic version of “Money & Fame” as a part of “Cracker Barrel Old Country Store Warehouse Acoustic Sessions,” a series of performance videos and interviews shot inside the company’s Décor Warehouse.
  • New Michael W. Smith Song. Michael W. Smith recently spent some time in the land of Israel and filmed a new video for his song “He Will Never End” while there, featuring many ancient locations from biblical times.
  • Tempo.  Watch the video for the new song “Tempo” from KB.
  • Misconceptions 3. Watch this video of Misconceptions 3 by Lecrae featuring John Givez, Jgivens and Jackie Hill Perry from Lecrae’s Church Clothes 3.

Lecrae QuoteMusic Quotes:

  • Worship doesn’t start with you. It begins and ends with a merciful, majestic and powerful God. ― Matt Redman

  • Don’t chase accomplishments, people or positions to find your worth. You’re already loved, just as you are, by the Father. ― Chris Tomlin

  • “Music is the great unifier. An incredible force. Something that people who differ on everything and anything else can have in common.” ― Sarah Dessen, Just Listen

 

Song of the Week Looking for America (featuring Lecrae) by Switchfoot

Switchfoot has long been one of my favorite bands and Lecrae has become one of my favorite artists over the past few years. Put the two together, and are you kidding me? You get a powerful song. Great beat and powerful lyrics. Listen to it here, from my favorite album of the year thus far, Where The Light Shines Through.

Here are the lyrics to the song:Where The Light Shines Through

Land of the free, home of the brave
But Lord knows that we need plenty change
‘Cause plenty chains in the past leaving deep scars
But when the sun come down we gonna be stars

The doors are locked where they once stood open
A wound of fear where we once stood hoping
The shattered glass where the bullets broke in
I’m looking for the place that I was born
I’m looking for a way to fix what’s torn
I’m looking for America

I’m looking for America

Yeah, you know
Beaten red white and blue for the green we pursue
I’m still looking for you

America who are you?
Underneath the red blue and white?
America who are you?
I wonder who you are tonight
America who are you?
Is God still on your side?
I want to see a nation rise above the fear and fight that haunts these streets tonight

I’m looking for America
I’m looking for a place to breathe in
A place I could call my home
I’m looking for America
I’m looking for the land of freedom
A place I can call my own

I’m looking for America
Headlines that I can’t believe in
But I’m still holding on to hope
I’m looking for a miracle
I’m looking for a miracle
I’m looking for America

America who are you?
Am I asking for too much
America who are you?
Has your dream become out of touch
America who are you?
Do you get what you deserve
Between the violence and entitlements
Which nation do you serve?

I’m looking for America
I’m looking for a place to breathe in
A place I could call my home
I’m looking for America
I’m looking for the land of freedom
A place I can call my own

I’m looking for America
Headlines that I can’t believe in
But I’m still holding on to hope
I’m looking for a miracle
I’m looking for a miracle
I’m looking for America

I’m singing
Farewell my utopia
Farewell my euphoria
Fare thee well my suburban day-dream
Farewell my utopia

America you so pretty
But you not perfect
Confession of guilt is worth it
These people hurting deserve it
Blood on your hands I saw
When there’s blood on this nations floor
But it’s blood on the upper post of your door
If you need to know

I’m looking for your honesty in skeletons
Do away with your ignorance and arrogance
America the land of immigrants
Check the green card and pedigree
Bless the Choctaw and the Cherokee
That we’ll never see

I’m looking for America
I’m looking for a place to breathe in
A place I could call my home
I’m looking for America
I’m looking for the land of freedom
A place I can call my own

I’m looking for America
Headlines that I can’t believe in
But I’m still holding on to hope
I’m looking for a miracle
I’m looking for a miracle
I’m looking for America

The land of the free, home of the brave
But Lord knows we need plenty change
I’m looking for America
Plenty chains in the past left deep scars
But when the sun come down we gonna be stars
And may the stripes heal when it’s through
Beaten red white blue for the green that we pursue

I’m looking for America


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Good Summer Reads

good summer reads

If You Can Keep ItIf You Can Keep It: The Forgotten Promise of American Liberty by Eric Metaxas. Viking. 272 pages. 2016
***

The author, one of my favorites, writes of the promise of liberty for the new nation as was laid out in the Constitution. He states that although the current situation in America is grave (more about that at the end of my review), much of the promise has already been fulfilled.

The book title comes from a quote from Benjamin Franklin. In response to a woman about what kind of nation the Founders had given the American people, he replied “A republic, if you can keep it”.  Metaxas asks if we can keep it and if so, how?

He writes that America was founded on the idea of liberty, and that America exists for others. Its mission is to the rest of the world.  Our exceptionalism is for others. He writes that the concept of self-government was a new idea.

Metaxas writes of the “Golden Triangle of Freedom”, a concept that Os Guinness (to whom the book is dedicated), developed in his book A Free People’s Suicide. This is the concept that Freedom requires Virtue; Virtue requires Faith; and Faith requires Freedom.

Metaxas writes that America’s Founders knew that communities that took their faith seriously tended to be virtuous in the way that self-government required.  Faith in turn requires freedom, because unless people are free to practice whatever faith they choose, that faith is coerced by the state, and therefore not real faith at all. He writes that unfortunately, as a nation, we have largely forgotten the ideas on which our country was founded upon.

He writes about what it means to be an American, and that most people wrongly understand the concept known as the separation of church and state, and also believe that it is in the Constitution, which it is not.

He writes about the role of British preacher/evangelist George Whitefield in forming America,  a fact that was new to me. He indicates that Whitefield showed that different denominations could co-exist in the new country. Whitefield taught that each person was equal in the sight of God, and that each person could have a direct relationship with God through the new birth. Metaxas writes that some call Whitefield the “Spiritual Father of the United States”.

Throughout the book Metaxas writes of heroes such as Paul Revere, George Washington, Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus, William Wilberforce and Abraham Lincoln.  He states that in the past fifty years, we have moved to the veneration of heroes in America to the suspicion of them.

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An Evening of Songs From the Soundtrack of My Life – Paul McCartney at Summerfest   

Paul at SummerfestOn Friday, July 8, Paul McCartney performed at the Marcus Amphitheater at the Summerfest music festival on a beautiful summer evening along the shores of Lake Michigan in Milwaukee as a part of his One on One tour. It was the twelfth time I have seen the recently turned 74 year-old former Beatle in concert in the 27 years since the first time at the Rosemont Horizon (now Allstate Arena) with my brother-in-law Al in December, 1989. In addition to the recent concert in Milwaukee, I have seen him in Chicago six times (Rosemont Horizon, Soldier Field, Wrigley Field and three times at the United Center), Indianapolis (at the old Market Square Arena and twice at Conseco Fieldhouse, now known as Banker’s Life Fieldhouse), Milwaukee (the old Country Stadium) and St. Louis (the old Busch Memorial Stadium).  I was able to see former Beatle George Harrison (on his only U.S. tour in 1974) and Ringo Starr (in 2014), both in St. Louis, but sadly never did get to see John Lennon in concert before he was murdered in 1980.

I Want to Hold Your Hand SleeveAs I’ve written before, for me, McCartney concerts always stir emotions as no other concerts can, as the songs are really from the soundtrack of my life. For example…..I can remember my Aunt Linda screaming at the television in her parents’ (my grandparents) living room as the Beatles appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show. Later in that same home, my brother Mike and I first saw the Beatles Rubber Soul album in our Aunt Cindy’s room. My first single was the late 1963 released Beatles’ two-sided hit “I Want to Hold Your Hand”/”I Saw Her Standing There”, with its black & white cover sleeve with the boys in their “Beatles suits” and McCartney holding a cigarette.

Jumping ahead, I remember seeing Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band and the “White Album” for the first time at our K-Mart. I remember excitedly telling my Mom about Sgt. Pepper when we picked her up from work that night. I had to wait for Christmas 1968 to get the “White Album”, which was released November 22.  Do you remember all of the ‘Paul is Dead’ rumors, including listening to “Revolution #9” backwards when it said “turn me on dead man”?

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Coram Deo ~ Living Life Before the Face of God 7.16.14

I got a chuckle out of this cartoon in World Magazine:
Obama cartoon

~ UPDATED PAGES ON THE BLOG ~

Book Reviews

Movie ReviewsPaul McCartney at the United Center July 9

  • The Unknown Known
  • Begin Again

Concert Review ~ Paul McCartney at the United Center July 9

Integrating Faith and Work

~ THIS AND THAT ~

BOOKS:

  • Michael Card has two new book projects that he is considering. He writes “The first has to do with the synthesis of the four Gospels. For several years now I have longed to integrate the four different portraits of Jesus found in the Gospels.  I plan on calling it the Four Portraits of Jesus. It would be based on the themes and conclusions of the four previous books on the Gospels. The other book, and the one I believe I will probably tackle first, has to do with the Hebrew word Hesed. This unique word occurs over 250 times in the Old Testament. I propose to look at each one of those examples and organize them into themes. Finally, I would like to look at the New Testament and see in what ways the word hesed appears in the teaching and life of Jesus.”Eric Metaxas book - Miracles
  • Eric Metaxas will release his new book Miracles on October 28. Read more here: http://www.ericmetaxas.com/blog/my-new-book-is-finished-its-a-miracle/
  • J.K. Rowling writes of an adult Harry in a new story posted last week on her Pottermore website. Read more here:
  • http://entertainthis.usatoday.com/2014/07/08/harry-potter-34-married-going-gray-j-k-rowling-pottermore/?utm_source=feedblitz&utm_medium=FeedBlitzRss&utm_campaign=usatoday-lifetopstoriesPhil Robertson Unphiltered
  • Phil Robertson will release his follow-up book to Happy, Happy, Happy, unPHILtered: The Way I See It on September 2.
  • Louis Zamperini, the inspiration for the best-selling book Unbroken (an incredible story, and one of my favorite books), and soon to be released (Christmas Day) film has died at age 97. Read more here.

MOVIES:

MUSIC:

  • Just a reminder….Keith and Kristyn Getty will bring their “Hymns of the Christian Life” Tour to Grace Presbyterian Church in Peoria on October 16 at 7:00pm. The concert is sponsored by our good friends at WBNH radio. We’ll let you know when tickets become available. You can get more information, including a downloadable tour poster, at https://www.gettymusic.com/tour.aspx#
  • Scott Stapp, a believer, and former lead singer of Creed has been booked into the Castle on August 29. Read more here: http://www.thecastletheatre.com/event/617553?utm_source=MEL&utm_medium=75027HIP-HOP/RAP:Michael Card John album
  • Michael Card’s final album in the Biblical Imagination Series John: A Misunderstood Messiah, was released this week! Look for a review in the coming weeks.
  • Kevin Trax offers a brief profile of one of my favorite rappers Trip Lee here.
  • For the past few years, after hearing about it from Tim Challies and John Piper, I’ve enjoyed Christian hip-hop/rap. I first started listening to Lecrae (still my favorite), but I’ve since been introduced to Trip Lee, KB, Andy Mineo, Propaganda, Tedashii and others. Tim Challies’ guide to Christian hip-hop/rap may be helpful to you. Check out his “Middle Aged White Guys Guide to Christian Rap” here: http://www.challies.com/resources/the-middle-aged-white-guys-guide-to-christian-rap
  • And speaking of Christian rap, I recently listened to episode 281 of the Catalyst podcast, featuring interviews with Christian rappers Trip Lee and Andy Mineo. You can listen to it here: http://catalyst.libsyn.com/trip-lee-andy-mineo-episode-281
  • And one more story about Christian rap, read about this lawsuit alleging that Katie Perry plagiarized Flame’s song “Joyful Noise” for her song “Dark Horse” here.
  • NEEDTOBREATHE announces that The Live Roomsession was recorded in Studio A at the infamous Ocean Way Recordings (Los Angeles, CA) earlier this year, the same room that artists from The Beach Boys and Frank Sinatra to Whiskeytown, Radiohead, and Tom Petty used before them. Check out the band “getting their mojo back” here: http://www.needtobreathe.com/liveroom
  • John Hiatt has been one of my favorite artists since his Bring the Family album in 1987. But unfortunately few know about him. Read this profile in the Wall Street Journal – http://online.wsj.com/articles/john-hiatt-the-indefatigable-songwriter-1404840732
  • Bruce Springsteen recently released the video for “Hunter of Invisible Game” from his High Hopes album. Watch it here. 
  • Paul McCartney recently released the video for his song “Early Days” from his New album. “The idea was inspired by the chance meeting in 1957 that would change Paul, John, George, and Ringo’s lives forever,” explains L.A. director Vincent Haycock. The proposal Vincent wrote for ‘Early Days’ simply begins, “This film is a poetic homage to the legendary beginnings of Paul McCartney and John Lennon’s relationship.” Shot between L.A., Natchez, Mississippi and Faraday, Louisiana, Vincent spent almost a month in total working on the video. Paul recorded his parts in L.A. over two days and the story unfolds around an intimate performance with just him and an acoustic guitar. By the end of the video Paul is playing with a group of blues guitarists, including his friend Johnny Depp. Johnny, no stranger to a McCartney video and an accomplished guitar player too, stopped by on the day for a jam. Watch the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE3SGaGeXck
  • Last week, Paul McCartney helped facilitate a marriage proposal onstage at one of his concerts. Watch it here: http://time.com/#2967345/watch-paul-mccartney-help-this-guy-propose-to-his-girlfriend/
  • Jimmy Fallon (as Neil Young) joins Crosby, Stills and Nash to cover Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy”. Watch it here. 

PROBING QUESTIONS:

INTERESTING ARTICLES, VIDEOS AND RESOURCES:

The 5 Love Languages Book Club Week Three  

5 loveTammy and I completed week three of our summer book club of Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to a Love that Lasts last week. We covered the second love language Quality Time. Here are a few passages we highlighted and discussed:

  • By “quality time,” I mean giving someone your undivided attention.
  • What I mean is sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, giving each other your undivided attention. It means taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other and talking.
  • A key ingredient in giving your spouse quality time is giving them focused attention, especially in this era of many distractions.
  • Quality time does not mean that we have to spend our together moments gazing into each other’s eyes. It means that we are doing something together and that we are giving our full attention to the other person. The activity in which we are both engaged is incidental. The important thing emotionally is that we are spending focused time with each other. The activity is a vehicle that creates the sense of togetherness.
  • Our spending time together in a common pursuit communicates that we care about each other, that we enjoy being with each other, that we like to do things together.
  • Like words of affirmation, the language of quality time also has many dialects. One of the most common dialects is that of quality conversation. By quality conversation, I mean sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.
  • If your spouse’s primary love language is quality time, such dialogue is crucial to his or her emotional sense of being loved.
  • Quality conversation is quite different from the first love language. Words of affirmation focus on what we are saying, whereas quality conversation focuses on what we are hearing.
  • If I am sharing my love for you by means of quality time and we are going to spend that time in conversation, it means I will focus on drawing you out, listening sympathetically to what you have to say. I will ask questions, not in a badgering manner but with a genuine desire to understand your thoughts, feelings, and hopes.
  • Many of us are like Patrick. We are trained to analyze problems and create solutions. We forget that marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve.
  • A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and desires. We must be willing to give advice but only when it is requested and never in a condescending manner.
  • Most of us have little training in listening. We are far more efficient in thinking and speaking. Learning to listen may be as difficult as learning a foreign language, but learn we must, if we want to communicate love. That is especially true if your spouse’s primary love language is quality time and his or her dialect is quality conversation.
  • I suggest the following summary of practical tips:

1. Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking. That keeps your mind from wandering and communicates that he/she has your full attention.

2. Don’t listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time. Remember, quality time is giving someone your undivided attention… If you can’t do that right now, just say “if you will give me ten minutes to finish this, I’ll sit down and listen to you.”

3. Listen for feelings. Ask yourself, “What emotion is my spouse experiencing?” When you think you have the answer, confirm it.

4. Observe body language. Sometimes body language speaks one message while words speak another.

5. Refuse to interrupt.

  • Learn to reveal yourself – Quality conversation requires not only sympathetic listening but also self-revelation. Self-revelation does not come easy for some of us. Many adults grew up in homes where the expression of thoughts and feelings was not encouraged but condemned. By the time we reach adulthood, many of us have learned to deny our feelings. We are no longer in touch with our emotional selves.
  • If you need to learn the language of quality conversation, begin by noting the emotions you feel away from home.
  • Using your notepad, communicate your emotions and the events briefly with your spouse as many days as possible. In a few weeks, you will become comfortable expressing your emotions with him or her. And eventually you will feel comfortable discussing your emotions toward your spouse, the children, and events that occur within the home. Remember, emotions themselves are neither good nor bad. They are simply our psychological responses to the events of life.
  • Based on our thoughts and emotions, we eventually make decisions. In each of life’s events, we have emotions, thoughts, desires, and eventually actions. It is the expression of that process that we call self-revelation.
  • I have observed two basic personality types. The first I call the “Dead Sea.” This personality type receives many experiences, emotions, and thoughts throughout the day. They have a large reservoir where they store that information, and they are perfectly happy not to talk.
  • On the other extreme is the “Babbling Brook.” For this personality, whatever enters into the eye gate or the ear gate comes out the mouth gate and there are seldom sixty seconds between the two. Whatever they see, whatever they hear, they tell. In fact, if no one is at home to talk to, they will call someone else.
  • The good news is that Dead Seas can learn to talk and Babbling Brooks can learn to listen. We are influenced by our personality but not controlled by it.
  • One way to learn new patterns is to establish a daily sharing time in which each of you will talk about three things that happened to you that day and how you feel about them. I call that the “Minimum Daily Requirement” for a healthy marriage. If you will start with the daily minimum, in a few weeks or months you may find quality conversation flowing more freely between you.
  • In addition to the basic love language of quality time, or giving your spouse your undivided attention, there is another dialect called quality activities.
  • Quality activities may include anything in which one or both of you have an interest. The emphasis is not on what you are doing but on why you are doing it. The purpose is to experience something together, to walk away from it feeling “He cares about me. He was willing to do something with me that I enjoy, and he did it with a positive attitude.” That is love, and for some people it is love’s loudest voice.
  • The essential ingredients in a quality activity are: (1) at least one of you wants to do it, (2) the other is willing to do it, and (3) both of you know why you are doing it—to express love by being together.
  • One of the by-products of quality activities is that they provide a memory bank from which to draw in the years ahead.
  • Those are memories of love, especially for the person whose primary love language is quality time.
  • The chapter ends with a helpful application section called “Your Turn”.

Next week we will cover the third love language Receiving Gifts. Won’t you join us?

Quotables:

We can be sure our prayers are answered precisely in the way we would want them to be answered if we knew everything God knows. -Tim Keller

 When I see Thee as Thou art, I’ll praise Thee as I ought. -John Newton

Charles Spurgeon