The Babylon Bee Guide to Democracy by The Babylon Bee. Salem Books. 256 pages. 2022
The latest of The Babylon Bee Guides is The Babylon Bee Guide to Democracy. It is a hilarious look at all aspects of our democracy, from the founding of our nation to how our money is spent by the government. The book is essentially a graphic novel that had me laughing all the way through it. It is dedicated to “the one true president Donald J. Trump, long may he reign”.
The book begins by looking at some of the different forms of government used throughout history and the origin story of our democracy (technically a constitutional republic). According to historical fact, in answer to a prayer from George Washington in the late 1700’s, God handed down his chosen form of government: DEMOCRACY.
The book then humorously looks at how democracy works by reviewing the branches of the government, including the Corporate Branch, which writes the laws and hands them off to Congress for a quick sign-off. We are told that every branch is sacred and worthy of our respect.
The book then turns to the centerpiece of democracy – elections – and how to participate in them to make sure our votes are counted. For example, if you are a Calvinist, blindfold yourself and vote for random people to place it all in God’s hands.
We read of George Washington’s foundations (he was a child named Kirin-El sent to Earth from a doomed planet in another galaxy to Mary and Augustine Washington), the “completely true” story of the Revolutionary War and a closer look at the Founding Fathers. For example, John Hancock was the inventor of the signature and cousin to Herbie.
We read that there is nothing so important in our identity as our political party. It is the most significant thing about us, and we are given a flowchart to help us determine what party we are.
The book does a deep-dive on the legislative, executive, judicial, and corporate branches of government, and provides a handy list of your constitutional rights (including some “lesser-known” rights).
We are told that experts have found that every election that we participate in is the most important election in the history of the universe and that if our side loses, it is the end of democracy as we know it. We are told how to rig an election so that we can win every time. If we win, it was the fairest election in the history of the world. If we lose, it was the most rigged and unfair election ever held in the history of the universe.
The important thing to remember about the Electoral College is that it is racist and anti-democratic, unless our side wins the election. Then, it is fair and balanced and a bastion of true democracy in the world.
We read about insurrections and mostly peaceful protests, how to tell the difference between the two, and how to destroy those who disagree with you – including how to win an argument on social media, and how to own your relatives at Thanksgiving dinner. We read about the government’s relationship with money, and that the government doesn’t make any money so it has to take yours by force.
The book includes a helpful glossary. A few of my favorite definitions are:
- CNN – The nation’s most popular, reliable, and trustworthy satire site.
- Separation of Church and State. An important legal principle designed to prevent the worship of God from interfering with the worship of government.
- Undocumented Immigrant – A Democratic voter.
Like any good book, each chapter has a helpful “Chapter Review” with probing questions. Some of my favorite questions were:
- What’s the Revolutionary War going on in your life now? Give it to God.
- Is Jesus Christ the founding father in your life? Why not?
- Can you identify the bureaucracy in your life? Ask God to break those chains right now.
- Which one of these amendments personally spoke to your heart? Why?
- What is the election in your life that you need to focus on?
- Are you more of an insurrectionist or a peaceful protestor?
This creative book is full of the type of satirical humor that you expect from The Babylon Bee. Highly recommended for those who could use a laugh.