Are you a perfectionist? I consider myself to be one, as do many other people. Is that a good thing, or not? First, let’s make sure we know what a perfectionist is. A dictionary definition of a perfectionist is a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection. Though realistically, we know that there are very few things in life in which we can actually achieve perfection, I have always tried to do the best job at whatever I’m doing, whether it is leading a team, giving a presentation, raising a puppy or just making the bed each morning. I try to “dot every “i” and cross every “t”, and do “completed staff work”, which is work that doesn’t require any additional revision. Appearance is important to me, so I wouldn’t think of going out in public without pressed clothes or styled hair. I try to do everything according to Colossians 3:23-24:
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
Over the years, I have enjoyed using a number of different personality tests, including the Enneagram. Enneagram Type 3, the Successful Achiever, may be the best description of what we mean when we talk about being a perfectionist. Beth McCord (Your Enneagram Coach), writes that “Type Threes are people who measure themselves by external achievement and the roles that they play. They may be goal-oriented, accomplished, and excel at what they do, or they can embellish the truth, be overly competitive, and focused only on their own accomplishments. Their Core Fear is being exposed as or thought incompetent, inefficient, or worthless; failing to be or appear successful.”
I believe that there is a positive side to being a perfectionist – always striving to do the best possible job, for example, and also negative aspects of being a perfectionist, such as continually tweaking good work, thinking that it is never good enough. The fear of failure is also a major contributing factor in my being a perfectionist. I’m my own toughest critic, and beat myself up for even the smallest mistake. A good question for myself would be what my motivation for being a perfectionist is. Would it be doing my very best work for the Lord, or might it be worry about how I would look to others if I fail? Obviously, those are two very different answers.
Thinking of myself as a perfectionist, I was quite surprised when my wife Tammy and I read Brené Brown’s take on perfectionists in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Brown, who has done a lot of research in the area of shame, writes that where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking. In fact, shame is the birthplace of perfectionism. When we don’t claim shame, it claims us. And one of the ways it sneaks into our lives is through perfectionism. She defines perfectionism as the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. She tells us that perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Perfectionists approach life as “I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it.” Rather than leading to success as you would think, Brown tells us that research shows that perfectionism actually hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life-paralysis. Life-paralysis refers to all of the opportunities we miss because we’re too afraid to put anything out in the world that could be imperfect.
There is much, much more that could be said about being a perfectionist. For now, I’ll close by asking again: Are you a perfectionist, and if so, is that good or bad?
